Dear Rachel Zane,

Dear Rachel,

I love you.

I love you more than you can comprehend.

I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman. You are my everything. My heart skips a beat and I get those over talked about butterflies when I think about you. I look for you everyday but I can't find you- just between you and me I never was good at finding Waldo, let alone you. 

I know it's dumb and a waste of time but I daydream about you all the time. I always picture you 100 different ways. I kinda have a things for super dark hair and features but I do have a soft spot for blondes. I know you're breathtaking. You're sweeter than anyone on this planet. You're super fun. You think I'm hilarious which isn't hard because I am. Just please I beg of you don't be taller then me. 

I hope I haven't met you yet to be honest. I'm not good enough for you yet. I have a lot of things I need to change that I'm working on to be good enough for you. I hope I'm ready when I meet you. You make it hard for me to even talk to girls my age because they don't even kind of meet what I'm looking for. I stopped kissing them because of you. I've kissed plenty of them and it makes me sad how many meant nothing. I wear you around my neck everyday to remind me why I'm doing what I do. I know this is crazy but you turned my life around. You are the reason I get up on the mornings where I just want to give up and go back to bed. The reason I stay up and read that last chapter instead of going to bed. Lastly the reason to do 100% at everything I do so I can be that way when I'm with you.

I wish I knew what you are thinking about right now. What I would give to be with you this instant you have no idea. I hope you have lots of friends. I hope you're happy. I hope you're making good decisions. I hope you're loved and get told everyday that you matter to someone and if not even though you don't know me I love you.

I kinda want you to kiss in the range of 8-12 boys before you meet me if that's not too much to ask. I've already kissed my fair share of girls. I have so much to tell you haha. I've lived such an odd life you'll love it. I hope you like my friends cuz you're stuck with 3 of them for life. In all honesty one of them probably will live with us forever. He's 17 and he's already given up on love. He's a really good guy though.

I can't wait to have all the first's with you. Scratch that I can't wait to say hi for the first time. I can't wait to make you smile and to hear your pity laugh at my dumb jokes. The first time I try to impress you and screw it up and you give your beautiful smile. I can't wait to fight with you and have you tell me I'm wrong and you're always right. I can't wait to go on drives with you and all the other stupid stuff couples do. The first time I hold your hand or kiss you and the biggest one of all- when I tell you I love you is only things I can dream of. 

I want to date you for about 4-5 months until I pop the question. I'm going to be super up front about that. I'll say I like you this is why I'm dating you. If at any point in the next four months I do not want to marry you or it does not feel right I will break up with you. If you feel that same way you need to break up with me. By the time that 4th to fifth month comes around I will ask you. I'll make sure my proposal is super cute and your mom/sister will take lots of pics don't worry. I hope your dad is kinda a pushover to be honest. Im not really good at asking hard questions when there's a shotgun within 5ft. But I'm fine with a scary brother threatening bone breaking. I can deal with that. You can be in charge of our marriage day. I want it to be perfect for you. Any temple any place you want. We are only doing this once so everything you've every dreamed of I will make sure come true. No worries we will sell the audi if we need to. It's kinda old anyways. I am getting you so that's all the perfect I need. Same with our honeymoon as long as I'm with you we can go anywhere on this globe (beside Russia). On our wedding day ill probably lose my words when I see you for the first time in your beautiful wedding dress. I'm not really sure if Mormons say "I do" in weddings but whatever it is I promise I won't be able to speak. When I see you just squeeze my left wrist. Its weird and I don't understand why but it's kinda sensitive the pain should take me out of the shock so I can speak again. Repeat that on our wedding night when I freeze up again after seeing you in all your glory for the first time. 

We are going to make it work no matter what. There's nothing that will break us up. I promise to you right now you will be my everything and every day I will make sure you know that and that I will work everyday till the day I die to make us work. There's going to be downs but I promise our highs are going to be so much better. 

This is obviously a group decision but I want 3-4 kids and I want to be married 1-3 years before we have a kid. My profession that I'm looking to be is around 6 years of schooling. I can't even fathom having our first son. You may have to raise him by yourself. I probably will die the second I hold him in my arms. You're going to be the perfect mom. He will be perfect because he's ours. I'll be in charge of the ball throwing and the bike riding stuff. You're going to teach him how to be a nice kid and how to dress good. He's going the be the perfect little gentleman. Hope he plays sports but there will be no pushing. 

Our daughters going to be my little princesses. I have a little sister right now and she gives me good tips on how to be a good dad. She told me "don't have bedtimes" and "buy as many dolls as she wants for her" so I think I'm set on how to raise her. I'm scared out of my mind to have a girl. This world is so crazy and I don't want my little girl in it. I know how men work. We are idiots. I'm not sure how we will stop it but if there is some way to keep her away from them till she's 18 I'll do it. I hope you two are best friends. I'm absolutely going to favor our daughters over our boys. They need to man up.

I hope you're crazy close with your family like I am with mine. I never grew up with cousins so I'm really banking on our kids having that opportunity and with my siblings there kids will be pretty screwed up trust me. I'm not sure they will be much help in that category. My moms crazy so she will be all over our kids so there's a plus. We will always have a babysitter on date night. 

I kinda forgot to mention ha I don't know how to match. Oh ya and I can't do my hair. Can't really smile right either. I'll be fine though I'll figure that out eventually. I think I will be able to learn on the mission but there's no guarantees. 

When our kids move out we can go anywhere in the world. I'm going to work my hardest every day of my life to make us have a lot of money and a good life. I hope to retire with you around the age of 65. I want us to go on an old people mission. After we have our first kid I don't want you to work another day in your life. I want you to be a full time mother even if that means I have to work overtime every night. I promise I will figure out how to pay our bills no matter what happens.

I promise that I will love you with all my heart for eternity and on.

Your Husband,

Steven O. Jordan