The Riddle Is Solved

My full name is Stockton Bart Brockbank. 

I chose the alias Steven O. Jordan to represent my biggest heroes growing up:

Steven Rogers

Oliver Queen

Hal Jordan 

To write something about myself would be worthless and misleading because everyone reading this sees me as a different person and has an opinion of me shaping your thoughts forming a completely different person than how anyone else sees me.

I hope the revealing of my identity doesn't change your viewing habits of me wether it makes you visit my blog more or the reverse

Hope I have helped anyone who has read my blog and for anyone that would like to discuss or critique my blog I would be more than happy to talk to you.

Steven O. Jordan

An Ode to rap

Dear Marshall Mathers,

You're one of my idols. I remember hearing you for the first time. It was at my friends house when we were in 6th grade. I became obsessed with 'till I collapse. My parents wouldn't let me buy it on iTunes so I had to sneak on the computer to YouTube to hear it. 

I know it's crazy that I feel this way but I feel like I can relate to you. Which I understand how insane that sounds considering you grew up in a trailer park surrounded by tons of diversity in race and a single mom vs me who grew up wealthy with both my parents in a predominantly white community. 

This is the one key thing that I saw myself in you: we are both underdogs. Also feeling misunderstood and thinking people know you when they have no freaking clue who you really are.

I never got beat up for my skin or had abusive parents. My underdog story comes from being alone as a kid. I grew up as a chubby little boy without friends. I made my first few when I was in 5th grade. Even then they were always so much cooler than me and smarter that I still felt less than everyone. When we hit 7th grade I was still a large boy plus I had facial hair. To add that I had braces. Not one girl took a look at me. I just the D.U.F.F. to all of them. I was made fun of for being bigger and weird. They never took another look at me. I was awful at sports and it tore me up every day. 

When I was in 8th grade you released your recovery album and it changed my life. 

It's the greatest rap album ever.

25 to life was the greatest song I had ever heard. After hearing that I downloaded the whole album and fell in love with every song. This album had a song that spoke to everything I needed. After this I dive deeper into every album you have ever had.

I had found nirvana.

The beauty of your work is you have a song for everything. Every mood. No matter the issue or problem of the day you always had something to help fix or enhance the situation. 

Thank you for being there for when I fight with my parents, at the gym looking for motivation, when I want to rap something with my friends, when I have a bad day and want to punch through a wall, when I need a good slam song for a pretty girl, when my heart broke and when I lose self confidence.

People think because of all your earlier stuff that you are an idiot and all of your lyrics have references to anti-gay sayings, sexual references, overall vulgar language and inspires violence. They don't see how smart you are or how clever your wording is. You also have so much power in your words and such great lessons.

Lessons I have learned from it:

You have to lose yourself in your passion if you want to make it big

You can't truly know someone's struggles until you walk a thousand miles in their shoes

Love is evil

White trash people have lots parties

Drugs really screw you up

You can always turn into something great even when your situation may suck

Cut people out of your life that put you second 

Forgive everyone no matter what

Even fat people deserve love

Don't be mean to people with differences

Police are idiots 

You're beautiful no matter what people say

Breakups are painful no matter how long it's been

Nostalgia is a beautiful thing

That even music boxes you can make scary 

From hitting rock bottom you can get your best inspiration 

Even when you're gone you can leave an impression on people 

That even superman has a dirty side 

Wind is very cold when it's blowing hard

All kims are evil

Always remember what your name is- it's a mess if you don't

I'm forever thankful for everything you have done for me. I know I'll never meet you in my life but you have helped me in my life like you will never have a clue. Thank you and please keep writing.

Steven O. Jordan 

Guide to keeping a healthy heart

How to keep a healthy heart:

1. Keep a conscious mind on your weight

2. Drink 64 oz. of water 

3. Speaking kind words 

4. Cheerios because that's what the box says on it

5. Cry when necessary 

6. Write thank you notes

7. Exercise 60 mins a day or more

8. Eat chocolate every once in awhile- sparingly

9. Watch funny things that will make you laugh

10. Give out free hugs

11. Don't eat a dozen donuts a day

12. Write out your emotions 

13. Call your parents

14. Get 6-8 hours of sleep a day at minimum

15. Look at old pictures of your self

16. Go on a jog

17. Tell someone you love them

18. Take gummy bear vitamins

19. Watch pump up videos on YouTube 

20. Watch the notebook 

21. Try to not eat a lot of hard foods and meats- keep it diversified 

22. Don't listen to gossip

23. Avoid stress

24. Do some sit-ups

25. Go to a concert

26. Don't do drugs

27. Go on a picnic

28. Drive your car really really fast

29. Take lots of naps

30. An apple a day keeps the doctor away is what the kids say

31. Draw pictures

32. Go on a run 

33. Go weed the old widows yard in your neighborhood

34. Keep a healthy diet

35. Read your siblings goodnight stories

36. Don't watch porn- it kills love

37. Hold hands with someone

38. Make snow angels

39. Try yoga- Buddha said it helps

40. Listen to love songs 

41. Go to the puppy barn 

42. Pride also kills love

43. Buy flowers for someone

44. Get lots of sunlight- the vitamin D helps fight depression and

 that's the ultimate heart killer

45. Don't be racist

46. Dance

47. Always monitor your cholesterol when you get older 

48. Pray

49. Tell good stories 

50. Read happy books

51. Make snow angels

52. Wear your feelings on your sleeve

53. Avoid fighting- it's bad for your blood pressure

54. Listen to old people and there crazy wisdom 

55. Go to a haunted house and other things that cause adrenaline 

56. Tell the truth- lies make your insides go black

57. Above all else and the most important thing to do with it is use

 it for what it's meant to do: fall in unconditional love with someone to the point where it hurts to breathe. That is why it is in there

Steven O. Jordann

I shouldn't be sad

I shouldn't be sad

I shouldn't be bawling looking at old pictures of me wishing I could redo the last 5 years of my life

I'm in Saunders room and it's 12:28 and he's no where to be seen

To be honest I'm glad he's not here. I don't want anyone to see me like this

They told me i would be happy

They said if you read this book and live by if you would be happy and everything will be fine

It's not

Don't get me wrong I'm happy and have so much more direction in my life and know what I'm doing but I still have all of my issues 

My heart is still completely shattered

I am still alone

The kids that text me are because of there mom or because they think they owe me something

Go away get lost 

I'm overweight

For hell sake I'm crying in a classroom how pathetic

That book didn't fix these problems

No blessing helps it

I feel like I'm Prometheus chained to the rock waiting for my heart to get torn out everyday just hoping that the eagle is still full off my heart he ate yesterday and he lets me just keep it one day to see what it feels like

The book didn't fix the shadow I feel

Or the guilt of the people I hurt

Her face is still engrained in my mind no matter where I go

Everytime I hear her name I cringe

Ha and people wonder why I don't date anymore or even talk to girls

The trumpet is supposed to inspire faith that one day instead of looking for the pieces of it that it'll just find itself and take shape into whatever is left 

All the trumpet does now is remind me that I'm alone and there is a hole filled in my chest that no matter how much Gatorade and chocolate milk I try to patch it up with its not going away

I miss my best friend that's up in college

I stand in the commons as a lepor would

People only pay attention when they need something 

They say I'm rude and standoffish

Promise I wasn't born this way I was taught this simple principle: no one gives a shit about you so you better take care of yourself because no one else will 

I wish I could open up but even if I did I don't know what's in there

I've been taught for so long to shut it down and be a man

"Don't break son because once the world sees your weakness or a sign of cracking they will tare you apart limb by limb"

Start your taring because I promise it would be less painful then what my thoughts are doing to me 

I shouldn't be sad

Steven O. Jordan

A look into Steven O. Jordan's Mind

6:55 A.M. Alarm clock rings

Edward: Get up you lazy piece of crap. There's so many things to get done today.

Steven: Hit snooze. He deserves 5 more Edward 

Hannibal: Sleep in schools for chumps

Jerome: I'm going back to bed

Edward: nope not one more minute you get up and hope in the shower

Get out of the shower to change

E: you really should shave you are looking grizzly. I think you should wear a suit today

J: wow did you get bigger last night boy you look good. Let's find that tight volcom T-shirt

S: Nope you are just sticking with a good fighting collard shirt and gray pants. No need to be flashy just good looking

H: You are ugly no matter what you wear might as well go naked, wait no like that's a really good idea

E&S&J: shut up Hannibal 

Driving to school

S: growin' up or strong are always super solid ways to start the day. We know you always get the first thing you listen to in your head and I wouldn't mind hearing you sing this all day

H: Let's see what NWA has to say this fine morning. They are always super helpful in the morning

J: ESPN radio. I love sports.

E: how do you stand that junk? That's for every other average kid in the world? Why not get smarter? I believe there is a TED talk you have been keeping your eye on. 

Entering school and spot that kid you kind of know but not close enough to call a friend

E: keep walking he isn't worth your time. You are above him and let's face it you loving being alone.

S: No you don't. Go speak to him it's always good to say hi

J: you are way bigger than that guy 

H: Look how ugly he is

S: Now you're going to walk over there and ask him how he's doing today

E: keep walking just keep walking

Turn down the hall without stopping

S: That was super selfish of you. You could've made a difference

E: screw him no one was there for you when you were alone and needed a friend

S: It still doesn't make it right

H: Serves the idiot he wasn't worth your time 

Enters classroom sits in seat

H: Put your headphones screw whatever your teacher is saying

J: school sucks. Let's go for a run or shooting

S: That girl next to you keeps talking to you talk back. Ask her how her day is. Ask her out now isn't that the million dollar idea

E: pay attention. Stop doing everything else. Just learn that's why you are at school. Politely or Rudely tell this women to shut up and leave you alone

H: Do it rudely. Swear so she knows you are serious

Moves over to sit by that super pretty girl

E: Idiot. You are an idiot. You don’t know how to talk to those. Also you don’t need this. Why diD you do this to yourself?

H: How you doing?

J: Show her your muscles. Now. Flex your arms. But don’t do it like super douchey. Do it causally. Casual is good. Women love it

S: I’m so proud of you. You need to get back out there and meet other people. Don’t ask her on date but its good just to talk to her.

Leaves classroom walks down hall with headphones in and head down

H: Screw you to everyone around me

S: Look theirs your boys

E: you don't have boys or friends. You don't care about them they don't care about you. You don't need anyone continue to your next class and keep your eyes focused on your goal

J: go see if any of them want to spar tonight or shoot tonight

S: You have friends quit psyching yourself, quit over thinking the room

H: You are a loser

E: shut-up all of you. Just keep walking

Leaving 3rd and heading to lunch

S: let's hit the commons or go home for lunch. Mom loves when you come see her at lunch

E: go talk to a teacher. See what they say. Or go read. You really are into that new book it's really good

J: go lift you are wasting time you could get better. Plus anything you would eat would just add to your weight issue

Decide to head to the commons. Enter the commons. Stands awkwardly among several groups

S: He's trying to be social just let him be

H: Wow there is some great butts in this school

J: this is the biggest waste of time. How does this benefit you at all? 

E: I'm with Jerome. What's your plan? You don't need anyone here. 

S: Don't listen to them it's great having friends. Go find a group of your friends you have more than you think.

H: You really don't. Your only friend has a whole other group he's a friend with. Your other friends only talk to you because they feel bad for you or there mom texts them about you 

J: again I reiterate that you are wasting valuable time right now

S: Everyone just stop. Go talk to a group of your friends you have them

Walk up to a group of friends. Stands there with nothing to add in because I was not present during the event being discussed

H: Say something you idiot

E: remind me why you associate with these guys? They are immature idiots. They are anchors on what you want to become

S: they are hilarious. They also have good hearts. They make you happy just stay here and listen. You enjoy being around them

J: these guys are the epitome of a waste of space

Diana waves. I wave back

All at once: just leave that one is

Spots the dark wizard from afar

S: Uhh we have a problem

H: Remember when she broke your heart and you were a wreck? Ya cuz I do. You are pathetic

E: F*** her. The fact you dated her is a joke. 10 years from now you will realize how breaking up was the best thing for you

J: you are way hotter than anyone she will ever date I promise you

S: Should you wave at her to just be polite? You still want her to be happy don’t you?

E: no you don’t care about anyone beside yourself. She left you and us. Screw her and move on.

H: You are such a loser I can’t believe you still care about her

Walks to the car listening to music. Gets in car drives to gym

J: finally something constructive with your time. All that other stuff is the worst.

E: I can’t believe how big of a meathead you are. This doesn’t enlighten you at all

S: I like it. I think it helps you get ready to be as perfect for her as you can be

H: Here we go again. “Rachel this” and “Rachel is that”. Just face it you will never find love. You are not good enough for it. There is a reason girls don’t talk to you

J: I want you to know that I’m proud of what you are. You have come along way but we have so much to do. You are going to go in there and have a great workout. Remember that his trophy is above your bed and you want to make him proud

Finishes workout. Drives to boxing gym

H: Finally you do something that I enjoy.

S: I hate this place….

E: I think you get stupider just by standing here.

J: this is the best thing for you

Starts hitting the bag with all of the stress of my day and tears up

S: Wow wow calm down don’t be so angry

H: No let it. Every ounce of anger and frustration take it out right now. Your fears, regrets, jealousies and desires let them control you

E: this isn’t healthy for you. This environment is not in line with our plans

S: Ya I’m with Edward on this one. You are above this lifestyle you are a good person

H: Nope give in to every urge you have and just release it right now right here. Here's some more motivation for it you’re fat, you had to give up your dream, she left you oh and you have no friends

Goes to work

E: See this is important. Not all that other stuff. Put your shoulder to the wheel and just get it done.

H: Go home and sit on the couch and do nothing. Your boss is a dick and you hate him

S: Learning how to work is super important

Walks to car. Looks at phone. A text from a girl that doesn’t ever talk to you. Something’s wrong with her.

S: Call her back

E: I don’t know maybe this could be beneficial for you?

H: Ask for tap

S: I'm serious just see what’s wrong with her. Help her out because I know how much you needed it. Just help others karma will come back around and hopefully someone will help you out.

E: I retract my earlier comments. Who does she think she is just texting you when she needs something she’s not your friend. Don’t help her just ignore it. Stop letting people only be there when it’s convenient for them

Texts her back. Drives home. Enter the house. Family asks how day was

E: Tell them it was good and productive

S: Ya I would say it was a good day. I feel like you did everything right

J: you sure worked out hard today the other stuff doesn’t really matter. Look how happy he is. He looks proud of you

Workout in basement, family prayer, personal scripture studying, listen to a ted talk hit the shower lay in bed

S: I want you to know you are a good person. I know you are alone but this is the best path for you I promise. You have never been happier and that will continue. Just keep on I promise it will all work out

E: I know i'm incredibly hard on you but I’m only doing this for you. You keep top yourself and just continue to be smart and learn I know you will do great things. You think you need these people but I promise you don’t.

H: I want you to know I hate this you

J: all that other stuff is great but remember who you truly are not what they tell you

Wake up. Go to school. After school go to the temple

S: It’s so beautiful. I don’t think I will ever get over how cool this is.

E: I wonder what’s behind the entrance they wont let you through

H: I can’t believe they let you in this place. If they knew what laid below the surface… your thoughts… your desires. They would kick you out like a leper

S&E: you no longer run him. He’s better now he all got that figured out you no longer run us Hannibal. Hess made up for what he did

Goes to football game

J: This is home. This is pure heaven for you.

E: such a stupid barbaric game

S: I can’t even imagine when your son plays this. That will probably be the best day ever.

J: Hey what do you think those cheerleaders are doing later tonight?

Walks around field. Congratulates players. Gets in car heads home. Walks inside. It’s your week to babysit the kids.

S: I love babysitting. It is honestly my favorite thing you do all week. Lets take your siblings out to dinner.

E: These are the only people you associate with that I like. I think i’ll take the night off. Peace

H&J: ditto

Takes siblings out to dinner. Have a great time. Come home and go into the church to shoot hoops until midnight.

J: I like this. I like this a lot. Great choice. This is what’s going to separate you from anyone you play

Wakes up next morning. Goes to the gym. Watches football. Helps family out. At 6:30 looks at phone. No messages.

E: lets watch a TV show. Scratch that lets go read. You did just get that brand new book on your kindle

H: East bound and down east bound and down east bound and down

S: Gotham or walking dead

J: Are you kidding me?!?!?! Its college football day? Of course we are watching football

8:30 rolls around. Looks down contacts

H: They’re is a pretty girl with your name on it tonight

J: Screw it. The nights shot just workout down in the basement or go for a run. Just make sure you are back in time to watch the second half.

S: You have to have someone to call. Just text anyone you need to go out tonight.

E: I’m sitting this one out. Either way won’t matter to me as long as you don't go do something stupid tonight

H: No one wants to hang with you tonight I promise

No one answers. Watches end of football game in the gym in your basement. Goes to bed. Wakes up for quorum leadership meeting

E: This is the one time a week you get to show how smart you are. Take a advantage of that. Show them what you are made of

H: Its such a joke anyone would listen to you. You can’t even think for yourself you need our help to get anything done

S: I’m just proud of how far you have come. I’m sure Desmond has to.

J: Can I just say holy crap that suit looks good on you

Comes home. Eats family dinner. Family home evening and prayer

H: I don’t like this you. I miss the old one that listened to me

S: Hannibal doesn’t know what has talking about you. Great work the only thing you need to do is get nicer and open up.

E: I think you did great. Don’t let them in. They just make it harder on you. Just keep going on our plan and it’ll all work out well.

J: I’m proud of the progress. You are getting that much closer to the athlete I know you are. You will make him proud. Just keep on pushing.

Here is the issue with the whole revealing thing.  I don’t know who I am. It depends on the day. So I am truly sorry nels. I can't reveal an identity if I don't have one.

Steven O. Jordan

How To Be A Good Person

prior to writing this I googled the term "How to be a good person." 

According to Wiki there is 28 easy ways to be a good person complete with pictures if you need help explaining the content: WIKI How

Cristin K from Yahoo! answers had this to say on the subject:
"Moral people consider the consequences of their actions--not always before they make them, but at least once. They make decisions based on a code of ethics that is not just good for themselves, but good for those who will be involved. Then, they take responsibility for what they do--whether it's effective or ineffective, whether it works out well, or whether it doesn't. 

An immoral person considers only him/herself when taking actions, and makes choices based on how much they can gain--no matter who or what it would hurt. An immoral person would know the difference between right and wrong, and choose wrong anyway because they would benefit in some way. And even when told that their actions were hurtful, they would not take responsibility for them. 

This is why it is important to teach children morality very young--because a child is basically without morals until they realize that their actions have consequences--at around age 5. (some earlier, some later.)"

 Found this on my moms Pinterest. (I know it has typos)

My Belief? TO live as close to what jesus was as possible.

DOes that mean be mormon? NO

Its crazy and my church teacher will never ever believe it to be possible but it is completely possible for someone to be a good person and christ-like without being mormon. THey actually aren’t all pot heads and pedophiles, true story.

Its been engraved in our heads that we need “to be like Christ.”

But what does this really mean? to Be kind? Charitable?

These in my opinion are the main 10 points to follow to reach a point of “christlike harmony” are these:

1. He cared more about the people he taught and those who were around him than actual laws or rules (see the adulter)

2. Focused on self development and constantly tried to improve on who he is (See Fast for 40 days and nights)

3. He set an example not for personal gain but to uplift and pave a way for those who lack knowledge or direction

(see Baptism with john the babtist)

4. Never was angered or bothered by the meek or seemingly “worthless people” always treated them equal to everyone else around him (See women who touched his cloth to be healed)

5. Jesus understood what he was here for and he let nothing stand in his way or lost sight in his end goal (see Beelzebub tempting him during fast)

6. HE had faith in others even though he could of done anything he wanted to he let his disciples learn for themselves and helped and encouraged them not embaressed or shamed when they could not do something

(See Peter Walking on water)

7. He forgave anyone wether they deserved it or not (SEE on the cross his final words

8. He was humble (See washed the feet of his servants)

9. HE held strong to his beliefs even when it was hard (see when the Pharisies pressed him)

10. HE taught ultimate selflessness and sacrifice when he was a god among men (See Garden of Gethsemane)

Final Thoughts: No one expects you to be perfect. That is unattainable.

My personal defintion: A good person isn’t being perfect but understanding that and trying everyday to be better.

Being a good person is a complex thing. It also isn’t black and white there is ton of in between. A sin to you may not be to me if i have not been taught that it is bad. Keep this in your mind next time you go to judge someone. You may be a good person but if your works do not follow it it’s meaningless.  

Steven O. Jordan